Sunday, September 29, 2013

Foreword to the Jaunty Janitor: Suck it Up, Cupcake. Jared Schickling


Every sports stadium has a unique attraction the
ivy wall, the enormous high definition video screen
a seriously angry fan

the pigeons living overhead
doing their business right into the crowd
it’s been going on for years.  (IT’S POOP AGAIN!)

Fans in section 312 are saying bird droppings
have continually hit them
and nothing has been done about it.

“I found out a pigeon had pooped on the back of my shirt”
last Sunday

“These are $250 seats. [We’re] sitting here trapped in this kind of a situation.  Any
moment a pigeon [will] poop on you.”

She witnessed many people hit at the game where fans have been using
towels to cover their heads, their nachos
When she informed the workers, she was told it’s been an ongoing issue

“It’s a health issue.  These people have drinks.”

So the stadium released the following statement, followed by a man who spoke from his own ass, here deleted:

“We strive to ensure that all who are pooped on
know that they have a positive experience and that their safety
and comfort is my No. 1. Unfortunately, your outdoor stadium
does sometimes have issue with birds.  Others, too, but yes, sure, birds.”

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