Taxis of Evil
Thank you very much, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress,
distinguished guests, fellow citizens, and fellow passengers. I gather tonight
that our nation is at war, that our economy is in recession, that the civilized world faces
unprecedented dangers, and yet it is easier to catch a cab--even when it's raining--
than ever before. But I stand erect before you tonight to remind you that there are
three kinds of taxis in the world today--the good, the bad, and the evil. In regard to
the first, the American flag is up and the meter is running. Traffic is swift and merciless,
unsparing in its pursuit of democracy, freedom and justice. Bad taxis are legion, as
we all know, driven by those who would lead us astray and deposit us at unheard of
destinations. Yet, I'll tell ya, it's those evil taxis that drive me to quiet desperation.
They're the ones whose drivers are turbaned and smelly, the ones that won't drop
you at the curb, or give you change for a hundred. They'll take you to the airport
only by dint of repeated exhortations and payment of jacked-up prices. They're
against us, not with us, and we'll root 'em out and destroy them in whatever caves,
garages, and spider-holes they think they can hide in. While the price of riding in good
taxis is high, it is never too high to pay. Thank you. Good night, and God bless.
--HJ
[Halvard Johnson, facebook status, september 2nd, 2012]
Thank you very much, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress,
distinguished guests, fellow citizens, and fellow passengers. I gather tonight
that our nation is at war, that our economy is in recession, that the civilized world faces
unprecedented dangers, and yet it is easier to catch a cab--even when it's raining--
than ever before. But I stand erect before you tonight to remind you that there are
three kinds of taxis in the world today--the good, the bad, and the evil. In regard to
the first, the American flag is up and the meter is running. Traffic is swift and merciless,
unsparing in its pursuit of democracy, freedom and justice. Bad taxis are legion, as
we all know, driven by those who would lead us astray and deposit us at unheard of
destinations. Yet, I'll tell ya, it's those evil taxis that drive me to quiet desperation.
They're the ones whose drivers are turbaned and smelly, the ones that won't drop
you at the curb, or give you change for a hundred. They'll take you to the airport
only by dint of repeated exhortations and payment of jacked-up prices. They're
against us, not with us, and we'll root 'em out and destroy them in whatever caves,
garages, and spider-holes they think they can hide in. While the price of riding in good
taxis is high, it is never too high to pay. Thank you. Good night, and God bless.
--HJ
[Halvard Johnson, facebook status, september 2nd, 2012]
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